


Just Barely Swimming Above

by ScarletRain1409



Category: Beastars
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Depression, Fist Fight, Friends to Lovers, Kissing, M/M, dick kissing, slight nsfw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-02-22 13:33:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22716829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScarletRain1409/pseuds/ScarletRain1409
Summary: Hawk, ( also known as Taka), a Cocker Spaniel is the American transfer student of Cherryton. He struggles with new environment and his own inner demons. Fortunately he has friendly roommates and a certain special wolf there to help him through it.( This wonderful Oc is created by Mr.Dareru from the Beastars Amino and I do not own him. )
Relationships: Legosi/Hawk, Legosi/Oc, Legosi/Taka
Comments: 1
Kudos: 13





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy this commission and happy Valentines Day!

Hawk may have been an official member for the drama club, but at the same time he longed to every one of them at Cherryton. He was the academy's helping hand, hauling crates of ingredients for the cooking club, polishing the equipment for the sports clubs and handling the lights of the drama club. At the moment he was carrying a box of oil paint for the art club. A dark brown ferret accompanied him, arms over his head. 

Students were either returning to their dorms or entering their club rooms. The clamour was pleasant to Hawk's attentive ears. In the beginning, the numerous indistinguishable scents and sounds just suffocated him, as if encompassing him in an invisible cube with impenetrable walls. He was afraid of being swallowing by the current. Now was finally starting to bob up to the surface. 

" Thanks again Hawk. I know it's the clubroom is pretty far from the drama club." Benny smiled up at him gratefully. 

"Don't...mention it It's nothing." Hawk awkwardly stated. 

His pronunciation was still out of sorts, but it was improving. Little by little his Japanese was getting less pathetic. But that didn't matter to the animals passing by. They mimicked his accent, sneering to themselves. 

Hawk always thought communication was frustrating. Even when he was speaking normally, somebody or the other found it hilarious or confusing m, as if he was trying to tickle their funny bone and get a laugh. He tried to ignore the sneers, but his canine ears could detect every single one of them. 

At times, he's back to drowning. 

***

The Room 701 canines were perhaps the most welcoming bunch Hawk ever encountered, ever since he arrived at Cherryton. Almost immediately they accepted him I their warm circle.He would join them for afternoon snacks and movie nights. 

At the moment, Jack was helping him with Japanese in the dorm. Notebooks scattered the table along with textbooks. Jack had the patience of a monk, whenever Hawk fumbled with the words and conjunctions.

" This new Docky flavour is amazing!" Jack waved a thin, white frosted, rainbow sprinkles biscuit stick. 

" Is it really alright for me..." Hawk skeptically eyed the treat. 

" Of course!" Jack sighed at his politeness. 

" Thanks." 

Gratefully he bit into the treat. Sweet cake batter filled his mouth. His tail wagged slightly in delight. 

Of course this did not slip past Jack's keen sight. 

" You can have it." Jack offered him the box.

He wanted to cheer him up a bit, since he was losing sleep. 

" Really? It's fine...I don't-" 

Jack just shoved the full biscuit box to his chest," Just take it. You can treat me later."

Hawk appreciated their compassion. He felt that he didn't deserve it.

***

Legosi had hurt himself again. While handling a spotlight, a shard of glass scraped his palm. Hawk was tending to his wound in the nurse's office. He rubbed antiseptic onto the cut. Legosi cringed at the burning sensation.

Guilt rose in Hawk's chest as he heard his pained groans. Out of all his roommates, Legosi was his closest companion. Both of them were comfortable in each other's presence, even if they were completely silent. 

" Sorry." Hawk bandaged his wound with a crepe wrapping. 

Perhaps it was because both of them were canines that physical contact was always so soothing. 

" It's fine. You're just cleaning the wound." Legosi reassured.

" Yeah... that's true. Just be more careful next time." He wrapped up the bandage. 

A smile spreads across Legosi's face at that. 

" I'm getting that a lot lately." 

Alarm just rings in Hawk's ears at Legosi's words. He always knew of Legosi's reckless behaviour, aware of his beat down with Bill. In some way it was charming, but it was different story if he hurt himself in the process. 

" That's because... just be more cautious from now on, alright?" Hawk sighed to himself.

" Al-Alright."  
An unreadable dark lit Legosi's features when Hawk was finished. The brown canine cupped his palms into a ball, looking at his shoes before directing his gaze out the window. 

Legosi had an unbearable urge to just take his palm in his, already missing the physical contact. He shook his head, questioning the sudden, potent impulse.

The sun sunk in the horizon, engulfing the sky in a myriad of crimsons, oranges and yellows. A portrait that reflected the melting pot of unsaid emotions in the tiny clinical room. 

***

Hawk had a love-hate relationship with sleep. He cherished the few drowsy moments before his consciousness blacked out. Peace only fluttered in his mind, devoid of his dreadful insecurities that laps onto his mind, like tenacious leeches. However they never lasted long enough. He hated how much time passed after he closed his eyes. His roommates commented that he was practically nocturnal and he didn't refute them. The softness of a mattress was so tempting, but most of the time he ignored it. He always spent most of his nights studying.   
But he loved the feeling of not thinking.

When he blearily opened his eyes, darkness prevailed his vision. Soft snores filtered the air as he stretched his arms. 2:47am read his digital alarm clock. He assumed he would spend another night by himself, when he spotted Legosi's logging figure erect on his bed. Skeptically, he tip-toed to Legosi's space.

"Can I come in?" Hawk whispered.

Legosi nodded, moving his eyes away from his thin book.

Hawk hunched in, his legs pressed against his bare fur. For two ginormous carnivores, it was quite cramped, but still breathable. He tried not to focus on the warmth radiating from him. He continued to read and Hawk was fine with it. Both of them wished this moment could last longer.

***

A new female wolf joined the club. Hawk was impressed by her confidence. Juno was already the centre of attention after only a few weeks and friends with most of the members. She already set her sights on Legosi. 

After rehearsal, he saw the way she was looking at Legosi and how desperate her attempts to be closer to him were. 

" Can you help me with dancing after a break senpai?" She handed him a water bottle.

" Yeah. After a break sounds fine." Legosi nodded his head.

Hawk wanted to return to the dorms with him, but just held his tongue.   
He should be happy for Legosi attracting attention from such a beautiful female wolf.   
But he couldn't find it in himself. Funny how he discovered his feeling for him, from another person.

***

A cocky panther started the whole fiasco. Hawk and Legosi were just carrying the lights to the storeroom, when a hulking panther bumped their way. The box thumps on Legosi's foot. 

" For a pair of dogs, the two of you sure aren't that alert." He grumbled.

Just as Legosi was lowering down to pick up the box, the panther pressed his foot on his spine.

" You must think you can just do anything to felines, huh? Bill just lost because he was interrupted" The panther hissed.

He pressed and pressed, as if talking to an insect.

" No I don't." Legosi moaned in agony, at the impact. His back wounds were still fresh.

Then Hawk could barely register what happened next. All the blood rushed to his face. He just flung the box to the panther, baring his fangs. The panther fell on the empty hallway when the box collided with his abdomen. The panther cursed as he removed the box. Hawk flung his fist across his face, growling ripping through his throat. The panther slashed his arm, blood dripping down his school uniform. 

Legosi moved the two away from each other, using his bare claws, grabbing their snouts. 

" Let's stop. What happened with Bill was for personal reasons, I don't have anything against felines." Legosi said. 

The panther was muttering about to fling another punch until he saw Legosi's menacing muzzle. 

" Sorry." He huffed, leaving the two of them. 

Legosi dragged Hawk to the infirmary. No words were exchanged. Just alarm and beating hearts.

***  
Hawk was grateful music existed. Music blared into his headphones at his dorm, while laying down on the bed. He tapped his fingers to the beat, humming to himself. Music was such an astonishing escape. The lyrics either resonated with your heart or uplifted it. Sometimes sounds held more meaning than words ever could. Words were structured, limited, but sounds were boundless. 

Legosi, mustering up all his courage, tapped his shoulder. 

" What're you listening to ?" Legosi timidly asked. 

" Miguno's latest album. The Leftovers are pretty good." 

Hawk didn't have a particular category of music he preferred; he judged loved good music.

Legosi awkwardly fiddled with his feet, pondering on what to say. After the fight with the obnoxious panther, tension filled the gaps whenever they passed by, like the sea flooding into a bedroom in the middle of a Mediterranean ocean. 

Passively Legosi took the other ear and laid down besides him, propped on his shoulders, like Hawk. His shoulder was pressed against his and Hawk slightly cringed at the touch, still recovering from his wounds. 

" Ah! Sorry about that." Legosi scurrying away, unknowingly taking the device with him and dragging Hawk with him the the process.  
Hawk instantly whined a bit in reaction. And regretted it when he saw Legosi's horrified face. 

" Sorry. God I'm so sorry." Legosi bashful put his head in his arms. 

Hawk noted the apologetic tone in his voice, regretting how he acted in pain. Why did we regret all that we had no control over? 

" You didn't do it on purpose. I'm fine Legosi."   
Legosi just scratched the back of his head.   
"Nowadays I'm hurting you a lot, aren't I?" Legosi looked up at him.

" If it's you , I don't care how much I get hurt." Hawk said the words before he could fully process them.

Legosi just stared at him, speechless. Hawk absorbed his shocked expression, when he realised what he said. Somehow Legosi looked pained and somewhat irritated, as if the idea of Hawk hurt, struck a chord within. 

" Don't say that. I hate it when you get hurt." Legosi clutched the bed cover with a fist.

" It doesn't matter!" Hawk defensively sits up. 

" Yes it does!" 

" Why?"

" Because I love you!" 

Then they just stared. Hawk was speechless, unable to process what he he said. Him? Out of all the attractive animals in the academy and Juno, the gorgeous female grey wolf, he...loved him? He couldn't phantom why Legosi how and why fell in love with him. For once God was being merciful, letting the boy he loved love him back...yet. Why did tears glide down his cheeks?

Tears streaked down and Hawk rubbed them away, as if trying to force them back. He only leaned on Legosi's chest. Tears wetted his fur, as they sat together in silence. 

" I'm sorry... It's just been a really long time since someone said that to me." Hawk whimpered, hating how pathetic he sounded to his own ears.

Legosi wrapped his arms over him. Hawk just clutched onto him, an anchor he felt that he didn't deserve.

***

At first, it didn't even seem like they were dating during the first few weeks. Of course they didn't just announce publicly to everyone in the entire school. Just their roommates who were exceptionally supportive ( and a bit teasing).

knew something was going on the between the two of you. "

" Now we can't leave the two of you alone in the room."

" Voss you own me 500 yen." 

Comments such as these passed between them. It was beyond embarrassing, but there was no harmful or harsh words. 

They just hung around in cafes or bookstores or what they regularly did when they weren't dating. 

The only thing that did change was how Juno was staring at him. At times, when Hawk looked behind him in the club room, he found the envy and utter distaste in her eyes, almost close to baring her fangs. He was terrified of her, and felt a bit sorry for her. She had feelings for Legosi too after all. 

She was talented, beautiful and charismatic: all the ideal qualities of a partner. 

A questioning glare would be directed to him and he would just stare back  
He had expected Legosi to chose her too.

***

It was a regular afternoon, when it all started. Or perhaps both of them were so worked up they needed an outlet. 

It was an empty corridor, both of them painting a vase red for a prop. The colour of blood coated its glossy surface and Hawk's head was spinning. Exams were just by the corner and sleepless nights were becoming more frequent. 

" You need rest." Legosi noted.

Somehow it irritated Hawk the way he presented it, as if he's choosing to stress himself to death. He's overworking because he doesn't have a choice. 

" I do! I l know that, but... I can't." Hawk defensively gripped his brush.

He was gripping it to the point, that the splinters were pricking his skin.

" I have expectations Legosi. I can't just let people down or..."

Then Legosi kissed him. He pressed his mouth against his. It lasted a second, before he looked at him for approval. Then he realised what he did and averted his graze. Impulses were so unpredictable at times. 

" Sorry about that." Legosi flushed.

Hawk cupped his cheek, directing his graze towards him. 

" Don't be." Hawk closed the distance. 

This time he adventurously explored his mouth, taking in Legosi's taste. He closed his eyes languidly moving his tongue the same as Legosi. Their teeth were in the way, sometimes pricking their sensitive tongues. Both of them could taste a bit of blood.  
But that didn't matter.  
Soon Hawk was pecking a trail of kisses from his muzzle to the chest to the frontside of his zip, suddenly under a spell. He hoped his fangs weren't hurting him.   
Huffs escaped Legosi as he unzipped his trousers. His dick was hardening and Hawk pressed devoting kisses to it, unsure of what to do. Legosi just held his head, eyes closed in pleasure. 

Perhaps they could extinguish all the grief and pain life inflicted on them, by these kisses.


	2. Under Pressure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Exams are coming and Hawk is feeling the stress like never before. Luckily he has his boyfriend Legosi there to help and a new fiesty rabbit friend. Right?

Studies invaded every cranny of your mind, weeks before the exams. Formulas raced past Hawk's mind as he walked to his door, textbooks weighing down his back. He was attentive during all his lessons and had more in store for tonight. His foggy brain was begging for rest, and he was ready for a short break at the dorm. 

" Ah can you carry this?" A spotted rabbit asked from below.   
The rabbit was short, just an inch or two taller than Haru. Her black collar with a dangling stone, obviously against the dress code, complemented her inky spots.  
She was carrying a box filled with miscellaneous cooking supplies: sugar packets and bottles of spices. The scent of cardamom and cloves were a refreshing change from the monotonous smell of pencil shavings and parchment. 

" Sure." Hawk felt a smile spread his face.

Helping others always had an uplifting effect on him. 

" Thanks! Can you drop this in the cooking club?"   
They strolled to the home economics room, which served as the cooking club's club room. Hawk couldn't help, but stare at her. Her whole body language screamed carnivore. She sauntered, her stride long and languid, like a feline and hands crossed over her chest.   
To be honest, she seemed more like a stereotypical carnivore than Legosi or he was, personality-wise. 

" The name's Keiko by the way and yours?" She yawns.

" Hawk... But most people call me Taka." 

" You're a foreigner, aren't you?"

Hawk was a bit stunned by her bluntness, but there was unkindness in her tone. Just open curiosity. 

" Yes. I'm from America actually."

" That's pretty cool. My aunt lives there. I'm planning on going there for my university studies." She said," I've always loved their motorcycles. They're different than the ones in Japan." 

Hawk's eyes widened at that," You like motorcycles?"

" Like them? I love them! Tell me about any model and I'll tell you its history, available colour and manufacturer." Her ears perk up at that.

They reached the entrance of club room. Herbivores never failed to utterly amaze him. 

He set the box on the cream coloured tabletop. 

" Thanks." She looked about the room, before taking out a box of cigarettes, Tigerettes. " Want one?" 

Hawk stepped back, amazed by her bravado. And he thought Haru was recklessly daring. 

" No-No thank you." He stammered.

Cigarettes were revolting to most canines, unless they were Dogerros, with a tamer odour. Besides Hawk hated how the scent stuck to clothes.

" Suit yourself." She lit her cigarette.

" I better leave." Hawk looked at the overhead clock.

Her ears lowered at that. 

" That's a shame. Let's catch up a bit later then. I'll treat you to my gingerbread cookies. She waved her hand.

Hawk shakily waved back, not knowing what to expect in this unlikely friendship.

***

Perhaps it was his terrible luck, that Hawk encountered Juno in the halls. They stumbled upon each other during lunch, near the entrance of the drama clubroom. He had left his book bag in the clubroom, and wished he could have forgotten about it. Attending class book-less was a better option than this dreadful confrontation. 

They stared at each other.   
And Hawk could only describe her gaze as murderous. She looked as if she was ready to slaughter a house of chicken with her claws.

The summer air chilled and Hawk shivered at the drop in temperature. 

" I've been meaning to talk to you." She rumbled, almost a growl.

" May-Maybe later." Hawk speed-walks the opposite direction.

Juno follows suit, their shoes tapping with a morbid rhythm. Hawk prayed that she would eventually give up and forget the whole incident. The hallways were oddly vacant, as if the students were aware of the confrontation and were avoiding being caught in the crossfire. 

Hawk desperately marched into an empty classroom, about to lock it from the inside, but Juno barged in before he could. His heart drummed in his chest as she locked the door instead. Herbivores were right, it was absolutely terrifying to be cornered by a carnivore. Even though Hawk was arguably stronger, easily looming over her, he couldn't bring himself to bite back. Her ferocious stance, scrunched eyes and bared fangs made it impossible to defy her. 

Hawk gained even more respect for herbivores than before. 

" Now we can talk." She sneered.

She walked up to him. Hawk scrambled back, colliding with desks and book bags, until his back hit the wall. His breathe hitched as she gripped his arms against the wall. 

The white paint was oddly cold against his fur. 

She sniffed his neck, like a cat examining her new prey. Her nose was slightly moist, reminding him of Legosi. Sometimes the two would sniff each other indulgently or to check the condition of the other. Odours sometimes had more of a story to tell, than words. Of course, those instances were more affectionate and comforting than right now. 

He wondered to himself why was he letting her do this. Was it fear? Or was it just his dog genetics to wordlessly obey? Hawk hoped it was his fear. 

" So Legosi's your...boyfriend like the rumours say?" Juno growled.

" Yes." He timidly replied.

She glared at him in question," How long?"

" Two months."

She smirked at that," Then I still have a chance." 

A possessive spark stirred in Hawk's chest, but he bit back his fangs. He understood that she was still infatuated with Legosi and in some ways pitied her. 

" Is that all?" He asked.

Now he was more annoyed, riled by this foreign aggression invading his mind.He thought he would have been content if Legosi would start a relationship with her, but this flaming jealousy said otherwise. 

" You better take good care of him before I take him during the meteorite festival." She declared, announcing war.

Then she let go and left the classroom. Her stride was confident yet regal, somewhat accomplished: the gait of a perfect female carnivore. 

Despite Hawk's attempt to conceal his rage, he felt his tail stand up on end.

***  
Cookies and chips seemed to be enough for Hawk. He was losing his appartate.  
Only s few bites of dinner was enough to satisfy him. Chapter material cluttered his mind even during lunch and dinner time. 

" Is that all you're going to eat?" Jack asked as he viewed his half-eaten pot pie.

" I'm not that hungry." He shrugged.

Shrugging was considered rude in Japan, but for Hawk it was just a tick of his. He was conscious about it with outsiders, but with Jack and the rest of his roommates, he didn't worry about appearing rude.

The two were having dinner alone in their dorm, studying material they aren't quite confident in. The rest of the 701 gang decided to eat in the cafeteria. Hawk had wanted to have a private conversation with Hawk. 

" Jack... I have a question." Hawk aimlessly scribbled on his notebook.

Spirals. Not even neat or tidy Ines Legosi would do during History. 

Jack arched his brow at his formal tone.

" Ask away" 

Hawk scratched the back of his neck.

" So we have personalities, right?"

" Right."

" But how much of them are really is and not from domestication? Am I kind because...I am? Or is it just ingrained in me to help others?"

Melancholy glazed Jack's eyes, dulling the brightness within them slightly. The questions he asked himself in the darkest hours of the night, were so surreal to hear from another one's mouth. Almost as if they weren't his. 

" I don't know, Taka... But I think you're more genuine than the rest of us. You aren't a typical dog. Some dogs aren't programmed... I can't say the same for myself." Jack sighed, with a mirthless smile.

" You aren't typical either." Hawk shook his head," If you were, you wouldn't look so sad now."

Jack widened his eyes slightly, before real joy lit his features.

" Thanks I needed that."

***  
Hawk and Jack were tutoring their roommates in a late-night study session. Voss rubbed his tiny temple as Hawk was explaining the factors affecting the equilibrium of a reaction. Coffee mugs and half open chip bags scattered the table. Jack was solving a complex equation for Collot and Durham. Legosi was cramming relevant vocabulary besides Hawk. Carelessly, their elbows would touch. It was driving Hawk bonkers.

These past two weeks, they barely touched each other, beyond a firm hand on the other's shoulder or hasty squeeze. And Hawk didn't realise how dependent he is on physical contact. Legosi's fur on his own always soothed him, caused him to forget about the world momentarily. Perhaps it didn't completely eliminate his anxiety, but at least made it bearable. Breathable. 

It wasn't a distraction when it was one of the few things keeping him sane. 

" Are you alright?" Legosi whispered, gripping his palm. 

Every fibre of his being, wanted to bark 'no of course not', and kiss him or talk or eat or anything else besides mindlessly study. He blamed his species for not being able to express frustration properly. 

" I'm...okay." 

Legosi just held his hand tighter.

***

Nowadays Keiko would sometimes stroll in Hawk's classroom for conversation. They would roam the halls or sit together in Haru's garden for lunch. At the moment they were sitting by orchids as Haru was watering the yellow roses. Haru's garden was reclusive, away from the noise and stares inside school.

" You know, you really like to work yourself to the bone." Keiko slurped her juice box. 

" No... not really." He took bite into his egg sandwich. 

" Then stop overworking yourself." She kicked him in the shin, playfully.

" Ouch!" Hawk joked.

It didn't hurt one bit, like a caterpillar pecking on his leg. 

She rolled her eyes at that. 

" Oh please. You probably didn't even feel that. But if you did that, I think I would have flown the other side of the garden." 

Hawk enjoyed their conversations together. Keiko was so unlike him. Fun, funny and sassy. Maybe that's why he likes her so much. 

He just hates the occasional stares they receive when walking together. No one really outright judged them, but the shocked and skeptical expression was enough of an indicator. 

Legosi strolls into the garden, intending to assist Haru with planting the petunias. He waves and Hawk returned the gesture.

" Oh so this is the much heard of Legosi." Keiko smugly smirked.

" Is it that obvious?" Hawk sighed.

" Yup. Your whole face lit up and your tail is wagging." 

Hawk felt his tail wag shamelessly like a helicopter and blushed.

He hated being a canine.  
***

For once Hawk could afford a break. Their biology teacher was absent due to her sick daughter and the substitution teacher skipped. Teachers often left campus, when they had finished the syllabus for the exams.

Hawk was cuddling with Legosi in Haru's hut. The blanket draped over their bodies as sunlight beamed down the window. Legosi's back was on the bedrest while Hawk's arms were wrapped over his waist, rubbing head against his stomach. A smile curled Hawk's features, as Legosi stroked his back in comforting waves. 

" You've lost weight." Legosi commented.

He squeezed him tighter. His fur was lush, a pillow that could lull him to sleep, if he stayed still. 

" Really?... I'm just not that hungry nowadays..." He rolled on his back, facing Legosi," It's always good to be a little thinner, right?" 

Legosi narrowed his eyes at that, worry lacing his small pupils.

" Not always..." 

Before Legosi could continue the conversation, Hawk intertwined his tongue with his. Desperately he kissed him, his exhaustion sweeping out of him. His hands were on his solid, sturdy chest, feeling every crevice and plane, under his shirt. Legosi straddled Hawk comfortably on his lap. 

They weren't experienced in the least. At times their fangs would scrape the other's sensitive tongue and their claws would nick their skin, but their enthusiasm made up for that.

Legosi was alarmed as he held Hawk. Just when they would break apart, Hawk would immediately smash his lips against his. Hawk was never this aggressive, this... insatiable. Legosi wasn't in pain, on the contrary quite liking it. 

He could barely process Hawk's condition, with their twisting tongues and sultry strokes. Blood was spilt from a cut cheek. Hawk licked it, as if trying to disinfect it with his saliva. Legosi moaned as he licked with unreserved force. 

He shook off his shirt and began to plant kisses across his throat. Their exhales were hot as Hawk licked Legosi's chest. He grasped his wrists

Something-some odd force was controlling Hawk, awakening actions and desires he had assumed were wiped out of his species.

Blood slightly coloured his chest, a dull maroon. Legosi's arms wrapped over his shoulder as his tongue travelled lower. He clutched him, as he removed his pants. His claws dug into his thigh

Legosi whimpered, in a strangled, not in delight in the slightest.

That snapped Hawk from his daze.

" I'm sorry. I hurt you didn't I?" He viewed his handiwork, ashamed with himself.

Legosi tried to reassure him that he didn't, but Hawk's storm of apologies and soft kisses as he put a blanket over him, stopped him.  
" I'm sorry. I don't know what's gotten into to me lately... We shouldn't spend time like this for some time....Dates and chatting is fine, but not this... Not until I'm more normal.

Hawk slammed the door, with his tail between his legs. Legosi just sighed, hating how helpless he felt.

*** 

The clock struck two. His half-drunken coffee sat coldly on the corner of his desk as he practiced kanji. The reading lamp's yellow gleam shone on his inky black scribbles on his notebook. Japanese was difficult and to speak, but it was a even more of a nightmare writing it. One twirl of the line and it could be a different letter altogether. What was the purpose of three alphabets in the first place? Wouldn't one be enough of a hassle?

Hawk yawned, knocking over his coffee all over his rough notebook. The liquid streamed over his pages, colouring his scribbles muddy brown. It dripped over his desk, wetting the carpet. 

Somehow that cracked him. The stress, the monotony of the constant cycle of studying, the late nights, the half-eaten dinners-everything accumulated into a mountain Hawk dared not climb or dissolve. The mountain's stones may have been painful, but they were solid, gave him balance. It gave him balance. Didn't let him fall.

Now it crumbled. Crumbled because of one mug of coffee.

Now he was falling. Falling and falling. 

***

He needed another reference book and notebook. The subway mixed species car was filled with animals of all types. A crocodile's tail was jabbing Hawk's knee. The mane of a lion salary man was brushing against his ears. A temperamental beaver was reprimanding his subordinate on the phone. Two high school girls- a kangaroo and deer-were discussing a new cake shop near the station. 

The noise and sensations didn't bother Hawk, but the scents did. A potent concoction of odours swirled all around him and his nose was itching to categorise and dissect them. Scents brought out the more primal part of him. He just wanted to sniff everything at the moment. It was torturous-all these different odours surrounding him and he couldn't even smell them up close. 

Perhaps the canine car would have been a better option, with its scent neutralisers, but Hawk loved riding the mixed species car. Seeing so many animals, both herbivores and carnivores, together living their lives, gave him some hope. 

He detected a small presence bump his leg. 

A lamb pushed against him, as animals shoved each other for an inch of space. The male herbivore flashed an apologetic glance before staring into his phone. Hawk couldn't help, but inhale his scent. Tender muscles and a little bit of fat flew in his nostrils. He never tasted meat in his life. His imagination and carnivore classmates did though. Tender. Filling. And delicious. 

Drool filled his mouth and he gulped it down. Years of genetic domestication, yet they could not remove that desire for meat. That carnal craving for the flesh. He thought he was above that, that his dog genes erased that out of him. Only large breed carnivores were supposed to have those urges, right? That's what he liked to think.

But lamb's succulent body pressed against his and his watering mouth said otherwise. 

He felt guilty. So so guilty for having such predatory thoughts for an ordinary man just riding on the train like everybody else.   
He was painfully reminded, that despite evolution's attempts to tame them, it couldn't rid of their fangs and jaws meant to break bones.

He regretted missing breakfast and stepped out. It wasn't his station, but he didn't care.

Then he smelt it.

The sinister odour of gunpowder and chemicals tickled his nose. He followed the trail of his scent, astonished  
that other animals haven't noticed. Or perhaps they just didn't care, assuming someone would eventually take responsibility. 

A muddle of scents- the sweat of rushing salarymen, train station coffee, sandwich wrappers-but not as concentrated as in the train compartment. 

In a biscuit trench coat, a possum was carrying a a briefcase. He didn't seem out of place, with the bored, dull glaze in his eyes and the yawn at the tip of his snout. His fur was slick back with cheap gel. The artificial smell Keiko showed him one day because it reminded her of her grandpa. It was a popular gel for herbivores, puffing their pelts and makes, to make them appear bigger.

The malicious mist streamed from his leather briefcase. 

A bomb. A legitimate explosive.

He didn't need to be a police dog to know that.

Discreetly he cautiously tip-toed to the tiny mammal. Centimetres behind him. He tried to blend in himself by scrolling through his phone.

Hawk's heart drummed in his chest as ticking reached his ears. He darted his eyes, searching for the police, but not a single one on site. If there was anyway, the police would have reprimanded him by now.  
Even though it wasn't a main station, it was still crowded.   
Chaos would be an understatement if that exploded here.   
Blood. Bone. Feathers And flesh.  
Hawk trembled.   
Too many would get hurt. Too many.  
Swallowing his fear, Hawk snatched the briefcase and dashed to the staircase, leading above. Once again he was thankful for his overwhelming carnivore strength. Legosi thought of it as a burden. Hawk would tell him that it was. But every good thing in life came with its weight. 

He bumped into others, muttering hasty apologies.

"Thief! Thief!" He screeched as he raced up the stairs.

Hawk clutched the briefcase tighter to his chest. The mossy stones gave way to a road. Animals growled as he bumped their way, the ticking growing louder. But Hawk had tunnel vision, just seeing what it's in front of him. Trash coloured his white sneakers as he frantically tried to find a place with no one.  
He turned to an abandoned alleyway and hurled the suitcase, before everything faded to black.


	3. Recovering

Jasmine filtered Hawk's nose. Groggily he sat up from the plush yet rickety bed. Salmon fairy lights lit his vision as he cringed in pain. Bandages scraped his face as his eyes adjusted to the fairy lights. The bed was incredibly soft, his elbows indenting the pink sheets. He groaned as he scratched his itchy bandages. He cringed as his chest and shoulders burned . 

"Bout time you woke up," grunted a deep female voice.

Hawk snapped his head at the source of the voice at his bedside. A red fox, with a torn ear as if a bat had bitten off, and a silk cream gown tapped her black pipe. For some animals, they would have found her gorgeous , if they couldn't detect the thick layer of exhaustion surrounding her. Black rings embedded the sockets of her eyes. She observed him with clinical interest. 

" Where am I? What happened?" Hawk questioned, shrinking under her penetrating gaze.

She took another puff.

" You're lucky to be alive right now. Any closer to that bomb and you would've been the backstreet alley's special lunch." 

Then everything struck Hawk. The terrorist, the bomb, the stress-everything. 

He held his head as if the memories were spinning his head on a cotton candy maker. 

" Is this Gouhin's clinic?" Hawk asked.  
He remembered Legosi talking about the Panda doctor of the backstreet alley. 

She smiled at the mention of Gouhin. Or it seemed so. She just quirked the tips of her lips slightly. 

" I was Gouhin's student, but this is my turf. There's only so much he can do after all and the market is larger than what you might think."

" So you're a doctor?"

She cackled at that, the sound harsh, but not unpleasant, like the trickling of glass shards. 

" I'm in medical, but.." she tried to restrain her self," I'm more of a night nurse."

At first Hawk pondered over her words, assuming why a night shift nurse was so hilarious to her...Until he stared at the room again and smelt various animals on her.   
Oh... A blush crept down Hawk's neck. That just further added to her cackling. Hawk's tried to hide his face in his big ears. 

" When do you think ... I can go back home?" Hawk asked.

Averting the subject always helped clearing embarrassment. Keiko taught him that. 

She thought over his words, tapping on her cigar. It was mild, most probably manufactured for canines. 

" I'm not trapping you here, but with your injuries you need about 2-3 weeks worth of rest. You've got some nasty burns and few ribs there are broken. Your shoulder is dislocated too." 

Hawk blood ran cold. Exams were in two weeks, he couldn't just rest and wait for himself to heal.

" What...about my exams?" 

Her ears flicked downwards in pity.

" That train station wasn't the only bombing site. Cherryton and a few other non-segregated areas were bombed. Luckily some wolf found the bomb before it detonated, but...they cancelled school for a while." 

Relief and anxiety spun in Hawk's chest. She gave him a few moments to himself as everything ached.

***   
Hawk never slept so much in his life. If the pain wasn't quaking his mind to oblivion or the morphine muddling his senses, he would be fidgety, aching to leave.

His phone somehow survived the whole ordeal as he told his parents and friends that he was at a secluded hospital. He only told Legosi where he actually was, since the others might be unable to visit or have suspicions of him in a back alley market's clinic. Legosi would sometimes keep him company, distracting him from his boredom and thoughts.

Legosi peeled an orange, feeding one slice to Hawk. The action embarrassed Hawk, but he couldn't really protest when he needed his help. He was a bit down as another bout of pain hit him, the medicine waring off.

" I love oranges. Jack and I would have them all the time when we were kids." Legosi held his hand as Hawk squeezed him back. 

His hand was a soft anchor.

Hawk simply nodded as Legosi rambled about non-sense, in attempt to distract Hawk from the agony. And somehow it worked.   
The fox doctor, Shelly simply viewed the two lovebirds fondly. She could rescheduled her checkup anytime. These moments were precious after all.  
***  
Sometimes everything was loopy. Colours and voices far and in between.   
" Watermelon's nice right?"   
Crimson, green yellow swirled in Hawk's eyes. It reminded him of watermelon.  
" Yeah." A familiar voice agreed.  
It sounded like Legosi's.  
He giggled even though nothing remotely comical happened. The colors were just nice.  
He felt a hand stroking his head, patting his fur between the bandages.   
That was nice and warm too. And Hawk felt his tailbone wag in delight.  
***  
Like most canines, Shelly was awfully tactile. She would pat his head sometimes or squeeze his hand in reassurance when the pain would get too much.   
The nurses often called him 'Shelly's pup' when they didn't think he was coherent.

But Hawk could detect there was more than just affection in her eyes. He was always an observant individual, sometimes moreso than Legosi. Or perhaps hints just came to him more easily or he had more time to analyse people now that exams are out of the way.  
Whatever it is there was no denying the regret burning in her eyes.  
***  
He had episodes when the pain and itchiness was too much. During the dark, early hours of the morning, he had to restrain himself from scratching underneath his bandages. Or the dull ache in his shoulders and chest would cause him to be wide-awake for the entire night.

Hawk could barely squirm for relief. He would twist and turn, his broken ribs burning under his chest. But when the sun peeked out of the horizon, colouring the sky a warm pink, did he have some hope for sleep.

***  
Hawk wasn't the only patient. A nurse would sometimes inform Shelly if a certain patient required her during his check-ups. Hawk knew of them, but didn't expect to meet one. He expected the nurse with his lunch tray, when he heard the pattering of footsteps.  
A hyena with mocha fur stared at him at the end of his bed. Strangely serious for a hyena. Hawk was just reading To Prey or Not to Prey by William Snakespeare. His sense of smell was still slightly impaired, but he could detect he was hiding some sort of food. His mouth watered. 

Hospitals normally had bland food, but the chief here was once cooked for a diner and his meals were scrumptious.

The hyena smile led at him, revealing the leg of a hamster. Hawk's breathe hitched as he inhaled its scent. Slightly stale, a scrap a butcher just flung to the garbage. Still drool slipped through his lips.

" This is Lily's foot...I miss her. We all knew it." The hyena swung the leg." We all knew it." 

He held out the juicy leg, as if offering it to Hawk. In his weak state, Hawk couldn't even find it in himself to be ashamed for his behaviour. His instincts clouded his mind along with the smell of blood.

" Freddy." Shelly growled.

Freddy simply stared at her as she bared her teeth, clutching the doorframe. Hawk gulped down his saliva at her unwavering rage. He couldn't help, but tremble.

" Throw that away. I knew it was still too early." She hissed.

Freddy marched away, miffed as her claws dented the doorframe. 

Hawk knew of carnivores who would get angry at meat-eating, like Legos, but never did he encounter such rage.

***  
Shelly entered Hawk's room with a red square box. Legosi waved at her and she nodded back.   
" Your biker bunny friend bought you a present." Shelly placed it on his lap. 

Flower bunny friend was Haru's name after she delivered some get-well soon flowers. Somehow she had a nickname for everyone that talked to Hawk. Legosi was 'The Boyfriend', Bill was the ' Obnoxious Tiger' and the room 701 canines were 'The gang'. 

Hawk opened the present, revealing a vanilla frosted cake. Frosted orange and pink flowers, carefully crafted adorned the smooth surface.

'Get well soon'  
-Keiko   
Read the red frosting. 

Hawk's tail wagged in delight. Keiko was more than he deserved. The gesture was enough to moisten his eyes slightly.

" Can we share this with everyone in the clinic?" He asked.

Shelly smirked at that," Of course, kiddo."

***

Shelly was examining his X-ray scans, her bitten off ear flicking in concentration. Hawk always held his breathe during these daily check-up, afraid she might find something that will extend his stay.

" You're healing pretty well. By next week you're free to go." She concluded. 

Hawk sighed in relief and mustered his courage to ask a question that has been bothering him lately. Shelly may have been considerate, but that didn't make her any less intimidating. Just when she reached the doorframe, her wide back stiff as a cutting board, did he ask.

" Why were you so angry at Freddy having meat?"

She snapped her head at him, with widened eyes.

" I mean I'm against meat eating too, but... you live in the market. Shouldn't you be used to meat by now. I've never seen a carnivore so angry before." Hawk explained himself.

Shelly inhaled, staring at her feet. She puckered her lips, contemplating. 

Hawk assumed he was crossing personal territory and she strut out the room, ending the matter, but she didn't. 

" I was Gohin's student and patient...I was a meat addict once." She sat by his bedside, propping one leg over the other. 

Hawk had definitely heard of meat-addicts, but he never expected Shelly to be one. Not a medical professional. Questions stormed his mind, but he kept silent and simply nodded for her to continue.

" I was an over-achiever actually. First in studies and I had to maintain that. Reaching that rank is tough, but let me tell you, maintaining it is even worse. I studied like Hell and the pressure was getting to me. And when it was taking its toll on me my marks suffered. Stressed out I rushed to the back-alley market since a senior of mine said it would help me... And then I became an addict..." She lit a cigar.

She blew into the stick, tobacco filtering the room, like a melancholy snake. 

" I dropped out and my parents left me. Then I lived as whore in the back-ally market and when I accidentally bit into a client did Gouhin find me. Without him I wouldn't have gone to medical school and become a doctor." She exhaled, " I still sell myself sometimes when funds are scare, but nothing I can't handle."

Hawk was speechless. He could have ended up just like her if he let the stress control his life. The melancholy of the smoke and bitten off ear spoke more of her suffering than words could. One of the strongest carnivores, he ever met.

Then spurred by the deep regret in her eyes, he wrapped his arms around her. He grit his teeth as his still healing ribs ached. But at that moment it didn't matter. All that mattered was the warm years on his back.

***

Legosi was kissing him. It had been ages since they last touched like this. Hawk couldn't move his shoulders so Legosi did most of the work for both of them. His snout tickled the crook of his neck as he licked his collarbone. Hawk could giggled at the contact as Legosi shushed him with a finger to his lips.

It was still after all a clinic for the ill and injured. But that made the whole experience even more thrilling. 

Legosi continued to trail down his tongue to the middle, lapping at him like a a dog in a desert. How Legosi found him desirable when he was bedridden, covered in bandages and bathed only using a sponge was beyond Hawk's understanding.

Then Legosi suddenly suddenly stopped and stared at Hawk dead in the eyes. They shared heated stares, but this one was different.

" After you're healed," Legosi cupped his face tenderly," Why don't we run away together?"


End file.
